3 Small ways to create change in your relationship


Sometimes we go looking for the big solution to our problem – that mindset of “something is wrong, and we need to fix it”. What if we moved our focus from solution to connection without the pressure of a particular outcome? We have 3 Small ways to create change in your relationship that both you and your partner will love.

Amy Doyle

Amy Doyle

Holistic Counsellor

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3 Small ways to create change in your relationship


Why are small acts of connection important?

It can be so easy to forget about the small acts of connection that make us feel loved, valued, and seen.⁠ Small acts build safety, respect and connection. They bring us into the moment. ⁠

Life sometimes gets the better of us and we forget about making the time to get to know our partners – what triggers them, what regulates their nervous system, what makes them glow… It really can be the simple things in life that build up over time and make it truly meaningful.

Personally, I love it when I’m in a mood or super-focused and my husband brings me a cup of tea or something to eat… AND then leaves! ⁠What are some 60-second or less actions or words your partners say that make you feel loved from the inside out?⁠

Small Act #1 Touch Charge

A ‘Touch Charge’ is a warm touch for the sake of connecting in-the-moment and takes 60 seconds or less. It’s not foreplay or an advance for love-making. 

Seven examples of small touch charges are:

  • Kiss your partner upon waking/before sleeping
  • Touch your partners hand while driving
  • Rub shoulders for a moment
  • Enjoy a warm embrace or hug them from behind
  • Put your arm around their waist
  • Stroke their back
  • Move their hair away from their eyes

Small Act #2 Talk Charge

A ‘Talk Charge’ is a positive verbal interaction about a non-logistical matter and 60 seconds is all you need. It’s fun or playful. It doesn’t always need to require a response. 

Some examples of talk charges are:

  • Say I love you
  • Send a little text to say you love them or are thinking of them or you just heard your “song” on the radio
  • Express confidence in their work
  • Compliment them
  • Tell them when they do something that you like “I like it when you come kiss me goodbye.”
  • Tell them a joke or something funny about your day
  • Express gratitude for something they did/do

Small Act #3 Know your needs and feelings

Learn about your own needs and feelings, so  you can express these to your partner. Get to know what you like and don’t like so you can ask for more or less of these things. 

We often want our partners to know what we like or want, but the truth is, we miss out on so many moments of possible connection when we don’t know what we want or enjoy and don’t ask for it.

Here are some questions to reflect on:

  • How does it feel when your partner does or doesn’t do something?
  • What do you want more of and what do you want less of?
  • How are you you at communicating your needs and feelings?
  • How do you show up for your partner and your relationship?
  • How does your partner mirror back parts of you that you love and parts of you that you hide away?
  • How does your partner trigger those parts and how can you work on healing them?

Remember to share your appreciation

Remember what you appreciate, appreciates! So be sure to show and share your gratitude for all the little things your partner does for you too. It teaches them what feels good for you and can also encourage them to acknowledge what feels good for them and share their appreciation for you too. 

Did you love this article about finding Small ways to create change in your relationship?

Did you love this article and now you want to know more? Amy has a list of great articles Here on mental health topics and general self care, With her wealth of experience she can provide you with the insight and knowledge you need to make positive changes in your life. If you would love to get in contact with her you can get in touch here, But if you would to learn more bout Amy you can check out what she does Here.

Sources and suggested reading:

Amy Doyle

Holistic Counsellor

Amy helps her clients move from this idea that they are broken or missing pieces of their own puzzle, to owning their story, claiming back all parts of themselves and merging together as one team to allow them to rest and be in their deepest expression.

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