Holistic Counselling in Brisbane: A Gentle Guide to Finding Support That Feels Like You
Conflict doesn’t have to feel like a battle or a shutdown. There’s a gentler, fairer way to communicate that honours both people’s needs without anyone collapsing, appeasing, or overpowering – a method that actually strengthens connection rather than straining it.
Most people grow up believing there are only two ways to handle conflict: someone wins and someone loses, or everyone avoids the conversation entirely. Neither approach supports trust or long-term emotional wellbeing. In fact, both often leave people feeling misunderstood, tense, or disconnected.
There is a third way – a gentler, more respectful communication style that works beautifully in relationships, families, workplaces, and classrooms. It’s a method I often share in my holistic counselling practice here in Brisbane, especially for clients wanting healthier conflict resolution and clearer communication.
It’s called Method III problem-solving.
Method III isn’t about compromising until no one is happy. It isn’t about persuading, defending, or giving in. Instead, it offers a structured yet compassionate way to understand each other’s needs and create solutions that work for both nervous systems.
In this article, we’ll explore:
What Method III problem-solving is and why it’s so different from the communication styles many of us grew up with
How this approach reduces defensiveness, increases emotional safety, and strengthens connection
The six simple steps you can use in your own relationships, workplaces, or family life
Why this method is especially supportive for sensitive nervous systems and attachment patterns.
Whether you’re navigating conflict with a partner, child, colleague, or friend, this article offers a grounded, compassionate approach to communication that actually works in the real world – without blame, pressure, or power struggles.
Why Method III Works (and Why It Feels Different)
Method III shifts the focus away from who is right toward what is needed.
Instead of power struggles, shutdowns, or emotional overwhelm, this approach invites collaboration. As a holistic counsellor working with individuals in Brisbane, I often see how transformative it is when people experience a communication method that truly honours both sides.
This approach is anchored in four key skills:
Active listening
Honest expression of needs
Respect for the other person’s perspective
Willingness to work together toward something new
Because this technique supports emotional regulation and nervous-system safety, it’s especially helpful for people who tend to freeze, fawn, or feel overwhelmed during conflict.
“When we have the courage to open ourselves to others and when we can allow ourselves to be open to their experience, true dialogue can occur and as a result, the relationship and each person will flourish.”
~ Linda Adams ~
The Six Steps of Method III Problem-Solving
These steps are simple and practical – whether you’re navigating conflict at home, in a relationship, with your teenager, or at work. The six steps are:
- Define the problem clearly and all parties needs
- Generate possible solutions (without judgement)
- Evaluate the options together
- Choose a mutually acceptable solution/s
- Implement the solution (with clarity)
- Review, evaluate and adjust the plan
Let’s explore these more.
STEP 1: Define the Problem Clearly (From Both Perspectives)
Most conflict spirals because we are arguing about different things without realising it.
Step 1 is about making sure both people can state the problem in a way the other person agrees is accurate.
This step requires:
slowing down
naming the core of the issue
active listening
letting each person express their feelings without interruption or defensiveness.
You’re not solving anything here. You’re simply making sure the map is correct before you try to navigate it.
Think of it as: “Let me understand your world, and let me show you mine.”
When both people say, “Yes, that’s the issue,” you can move on to clarifying the needs of each party involved.
STEP 2: Generate Possible Solutions (Without Judgement)
This is the brainstorming stage. Every idea is welcome – even the impractical or humorous ones.
The invitation is, “What could we do here?”
This step works best when:
you allow quantity over quality
you avoid criticising or shutting down ideas
you treat it like two people on the same team, exploring possibilities.
It can even be playful.
The goal is not to decide anything yet. It’s simply to allow creativity, curiosity, and freedom. When judgment is removed, people often surprise themselves with solutions they never would have considered in a tense or defensive state.
STEP 3: Evaluate the Options Together
Now it’s time to gently sort through your ideas. You’re looking for possibilities that feel realistic, fair, and respectful.
Ask questions like:
What could genuinely work?
Which solutions honour both sets of needs?
Is there anything here that might cause new tension?
What feels sustainable over time?
This step works best when done slowly, with attention to each person’s needs.
Remember, the goal here is to move toward a few options that feel promising – without slipping back into win/lose thinking.
STEP 4: Choose a Mutually Acceptable Solution
This is where you land on something that feels workable for both of you.
A mutually acceptable solution is not one person “giving in.” Instead, it’s the moment you find the overlap – the option that respects both people’s values, boundaries, and emotional realities.
Often it looks like:
a combination of ideas
a modified version of one suggestion
or a completely new insight that emerged through collaboration.
Check for genuine agreement, not silent resignation. Your body will often tell the truth here: a sense of ease, a drop in tension, or a breath that feels fuller.
STEP 5: Implement the Solution (With Clarity)
Now decide together:
What happens next?
Who is responsible for what?
When will this happen?
This step ensures no one is carrying invisible expectations or assumptions. Clear agreements prevent future resentment and create a sense of shared responsibility.
Implementation should feel collaborative, not pressured. Adjust timelines and tasks to match real-life capacity.
It’s also a good time to discuss how you plan to be accountable to your actions and what you need from each other. This mitigates the trap of monitoring and nagging in the future – which usually only produces dependency and resentment – not individual responsibility.
STEP 6: Review, Evaluate and Adjust the Plan
This is the step most people forget – and it’s what makes Method III sustainable
After trying the solution for a little while, you check in again:
Is this working?
Do we need to revise anything?
Has life shifted since our original conversation?
Because life is never static, Method III encourages ongoing adjustment. This reassures your nervous system that decisions aren’t rigid or all-or-nothing – they can evolve as your needs and circumstances change.
This step reinforces trust, strengthens secure attachment, and reduces the fear of “getting it wrong.”
Why Method III Feels So Regulating and Respectful
This communication style prevents:
power struggles
shutdowns
stonewalling
over-functioning
emotional withdrawal.
It is nervous-system-friendly because it reduces unpredictability and increases collaboration, which signals safety. It supports:
- clarity
- co-regulation
- repair
- mutual responsiveness
- shared responsibility and ownership
- sustainable solutions
- non-defensive communication.
Many of my Brisbane counselling clients notice they feel less anxious in conflict and more confident approaching difficult conversations after learning this approach.
Want a Visual Guide or Worksheet?
I’ve created a free downloadable worksheet and printable template to help you move through each step with clarity and ease. You can use it during conversations, bring it into journaling, or share it with a partner, teen, or colleague.
It’s part of my growing Calm Collection library – gentle tools designed to make life feel a little steadier.
Download your free Method III Communication Worksheet
Use it as often as you need. Tuck it into your phone, your notebook, or your fridge door. Let it be a quiet companion as you learn to communicate in ways that honour both you and the people you care about.
And if you’re curious about more resources like this, you’re always welcome to explore the rest of the Calm Collection anytime
Where You Can Start Today
Learning a new communication style doesn’t happen overnight. It happens slowly – in moments where you pause before reacting, choose curiosity over defensiveness, or simply decide to understand before being understood. These small shifts add up, and over time they reshape the way you relate, repair, and reconnect.
Simply begin by asking questions like:
“Can I reflect what I heard to make sure I’ve understood you?”
“Can we brainstorm together before we try to choose anything?”
“Would you be open to finding a solution that works for both of us?”
These small openings can shift the relationship dynamic.
If you’d like support using Method III in your own life – whether with a partner, child, colleague, or teen – holistic counselling sessions (in Brisbane or online) can help you learn how to apply these tools in a grounded, gentle way.
Meet The Author
Amy Doyle
Amy is a Holistic Counsellor who helps her clients move from this idea that they are broken or missing pieces of their own puzzle, to owning their story, claiming back all parts of themselves and merging together as one team to allow them to rest and be in their deepest expression.
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